Our story begins August 2012. We were both freshmen at BYU, and happened to be placed in the same Y-Group, thanks to the fact that both of us had registered for the 10:00am section of Honors Writing 150. At first, I thought Zachary Jason Scott was kinda nerdy, shy, and wasn't sure we'd even really ever be friends. However, somewhere during the first few weeks of class, he asked for my number, claiming he wanted it in case he ever missed class. I accepted that reason, and willingly gave it. Of course, he never missed class, and so a month passed before I got his. But finally, we ended up in the same group, where we decided to focus our research projects on the paranormal. As we spent time around each other, I found that he was great, and super fun to be around.
Eventually I invited him over to watch a movie with me and my friends. We were going to watch Robin Hood Man in Tights, but ended up watching something else. I'd invited him and another friend from my writing group, but he ended up getting their first, and sat in the chair next to me. I poked him, he poked me back....and the next few days we started texting like crazy, I got hints that he liked me, and we ended up going on a first date to Anguish Asylum, the local haunted house.
We hung out all the time, and I even managed to convince him to see Breaking Dawn Part 2 with me....that should've been the first sign that I had a true gem. The next night, he told me he loved me...i said the same. Well, idk if I'm just too quick to say I love you, or don't really know what real love feels like, but about 2 weeks later I had broken up with him to go after a friend who had recently broken up with his girlfriend. That was a really dumb mistake, and ended up causing lots of strain on most friendships...Zach even cut me out of his life for about three weeks.
Eventually he started talking to me again, and we once again became close friends. At the time, I was still interested in dating the friend, but he found another girl he liked. When it happened, I was crushed, but super happy to have Zach there. Even though I wished I hadn't hurt him, part of me was glad because it meant that he knew exactly what I was going through.
Soon enough, we started falling for each other again. There were so many little hints that he dropped, and finally I just came out and asked him. He directed me to a blog post he had written, explaining his feelings. We had two-ish glorious months before he left on his mission. We went to Lindsey Stirling, The Host, both had copies of the One Ring from LOTR, and had every intention of waiting for each other.
The first few months when he left on his mission were super difficult. I missed him so much, and wished that we could communicate more than once a week via e-mail and through the occasional letter. I loved getting his letters - -they were the happiest days. But then, idk what happened....I guess I forgot how much he meant to me...I forgot how great of a friend he was, how close we were, how he was my closest confidante, how I loved him more than anything...I forgot the reasons why I was so committed to a relationship with him. I stopped wearing the One Ring, and that proved to have disastrous consequences at the start of winter semester.
I had taken Fall Semester off to study for the Bible Bee, which was probably not the smartest idea, as it meant I was never around guys outside of my family, and thus was not as good at resisting a cute smile, or a good conversation. In fact, I started to like one of the first guys I met upon my return to school, a good looking transfer student named Lance. Similar to Zach and I, we met in a Y-group, though this time I was the leader and he one of my "Y-groupies". :p
Lance and I started hanging out a lot...we're still together now(probably not for long though). I sent Zach a dear John letter, and after a temple trip he wrote back saying that he was still 'unrelentingly, unconditionally in love with me', but that he felt the Lord was directing him to cut off all communication with me at least until his return from his mission, perhaps until my return from mine. I was allowed to respond to that letter, and then tell him once I got my mission call -- nothing else. Well, I got my mission call - -Merida Mexico. I had hoped he'd reply, but probably should've known better.
Anyway -- the whole point to this is that I know what true love is -- and it's not what I have with Lance. We love each other in that we want each other to be safe and happy -- but not in the consummate love(a social psych term) that Zach and I had. One of the theories of love is that there are three parts -- passion, intimacy (aka emotional closeness), and commitment. Lance and I have the first two -- the components of romantic love. However, simply having those two is not what makes for a truly successful relationship. Based on the theory, those relationships that last are those that have all three. Zach and I had that. Sure, while he was gone it was 80% or more commitment, but we still had all the key ingredients - -we were emotionally close, and still expressed minor passion by saying we missed cuddling and by closing our e-mails with "everlasting embrace" or something similar.
So -- my whole point is -- if you have all three in a relationship, NEVER let that person go. Even if it gets hard, even if you find someone fun to be around, never let them go. Friendships are fine -- be friends with other people. But trust me, if you do something to push your true love away, if something causes you to lose them, you will always regret it. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish I could take back everything that happened with Lance and have my Zach (Elder Scott now) back.
So, in closing, future self: If you're rereading this, it's probably because you either are in a re-read everything mood, or because you got back with Zach and are now considering ending things with him again. To you I say -- remember how it felt to not talk to him for two years. Remember how there were nights you would cry yourself to sleep because you missed him. Remember how you weren't sure you even wanted to get back together because you were terrified of hurting him again, but decided to anyway. Remember how in May 2014 you re-read his letters and realized that that was what true love was - -letting each other in completely, letting someone know everything about you, being willing to do anything for another person. Remember that you need to put other people's needs above your own, especially his. Just remember. Remember how much he loves you. Remember how you broke his heart twice and he still wanted you, still wanted a future with you. Remember how you compared what you had with Lance to what you had with Zach. Remember how Lance paled in comparison. Remember how you couldn't bear the thought of Zach with anyone else. Remember that Zach would do absolutely anything for you. Remember -- remember the cost of forgetting to remember. If Zach and you got back together for a third time, its because you guys ARE MEANT TO BE!!!!!! If you got back and he hadn't been in a relationship or even gone on many dates because he wanted you, still, after everything, DON'T YOU DARE BREAK HIS HEART AGAIN!!!! Even if he does something that hurts you, fine -- take him back. How many times has he taken you back? You can do the same for him. Everyone will go through problems - -that's not a reason to end things. Future me, and future Zach -- you guys will get through it. Whatever's going on that makes you need/want to re-read this, remember that. Tia, remember how much of a gem he is. He is priceless. Don't lose him again. Take the time to re-read those things that remind you why you love him. Re-read the letters he sent you on his mission, if you still have them. Re-read any cute, hopeful romantic text he may have sent you. Don't forget again. If God let you get back together again, its for a reason.
Now to Zach -- if you happen to read this when you get back. I love you. I meant what i said -- I would give ANYTHING to have you back right now. I keep holding on to the hope that you were right, and that we are meant to be. That line you shared about you meeting your eternal companion after your mission kinda scares me, because it makes me think that maybe we aren't meant to be, but I have to hope that you're right and it means that we'll 'meet' again, as better versions of ourselves. Well, idk when/if you're reading this, but if it's before february 2016 - i'll see you soon! the next few months (month?) will fly by. If it's after -- help me remember. Please. It'll be easier with you around, but should I ever start to doubt - -point me to this post. I truly hope that that will never happen - -that I'll always be sure of my love for you and will never even consider the thought of leaving you for a picosecond. But should I - -should I start wondering about other guys again -- remind me that I tried that route - -twice -- and both times they paled in comparison to you. Anyway....I've rambled long enough. Zach, I love you. I now know I will forever. I'm counting the months, and eventually weeks, days, hours, minutes, and seconds until I can see you again.
For anyone reading this - -sorry for the long post. I had to get this off my chest before I burst. Lance, if you're reading it....I'm sorry. You're a fantastic person, but not for me. I know what true love looks like, and I won't rest til it's mine.
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