But, that's not the only change that's happened lately. For those of you who also follow my blog Song of the Moment, you may have noticed that the past two posts have been dedicated to a Dakota. He was my boyfriend of three months. He was the fifth in a semi-long line of boyfriends I'd had beginning my junior year. Yes, I had a lot. This was mainly because my parents had forbidden me to have a boyfriend during high-school; so, anytime I thought they were too close to finding out, I would break up with the boyfriend. Typically, after doing so, I would swear that I would never have a boyfriend again, at least not during high-school. But then the next month I'd have a different one.
Dakota was definitely the first guy I'd really fallen hard for. But maybe that wasn't such a good thing...some things happened that shouldn't have. Anyway -- he was at National Blue Beret, and asked me to write him a letter. well, being the dedicated girlfriend, I did. But...I didn't know what a stamp looked like really, and so I stuck a sticker on it. I also wrote my return address on it. So, my parents saw the letter when it came back, the whole story came out, and I spent the next 4 weeks in solitary confinement. And honestly, now I'm questioning whether or not I ever actually loved him. I just re-read a quote from the movie Sense and Sensibility that I posted on Facebook a couple weeks earlier :
Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken
When I posted it, I was thinking that when he went to NBB, there would be no changes when he came back -- we'd still be just as in love. But, see, that wasn't truly an alteration, or removal. No -- my parents finding out was. And if I'd truly loved him, I kinda think I'd be like Bella from Twilight (sorry twilight-haters) -- moping around, not happy, all that jazz. But no -- I was really upset the first few days, but that was mainly because I was worried about how he'd take it. But then my mom said that I'd just have to trust, and pray, and so I've been perfectly fine pretty much ever since. I think, because I was lying, I was unable to truly love -- I wasn't able to feel that.
Yesterday I deleted his number from my contacts, and blocked him on Facebook and G-mail. I felt a bit sad, but it was really just regret -- regret for what happened, and wishing that I'd spent the last few years a little differently.
So yes -- that's the biggest change (other than the fact that I umm...moved.). But I'm sooo much happier now, and soo much more motivated. But more about motivation later...I read Do Hard Things (by Alex and Brett Harris) while in solitary confinement, and have some pretty cool ideas (in my opinion) about stuff I can do.
So anyway -- ya -- a changed blog, changed housing, changed life....but don't worry - it's still My Crazy Life. :)
No comments:
Post a Comment