On the Mend

So..I really ought to apologize for last week.  In case you couldn't tell by my posts(especially those on my other blogs), my mood was swinging all over the place.

Fortunately, I think I've stabilized. I'm no longer bitter and resentful towards the people (really a person) who made last week hell.

I've actually managed to have a good in-person interaction with each of them.  It remains to be seen how I'll be once I see them together again, but I don't think it'll cause me to break like it did last week.

Actually, I realized something tonight.  The guy who friendzoned me came over tonight.  As we were talking, I realized something -- I still want to be his friend, but seeing him doesn't cause my heart to race, etc, like it did before.  I can't believe I'm saying this so soon, but...I think I'm over him.

To some, that may seem incredibly fast.  However, I am an extremely resilient person.  In addition, I had a wonderful three day weekend that really helped to heal my heart.  It's still not completely healed, but it has at least scabbed over.  Now I'm just hoping that I won't do what I typically do to scabs and continue picking at it until it has no choice but to become a scar.

I mentioned that the weekend was really helpful.  Here's a couple of insights that I gained:

• Trials are meant to make the good things better and weed out the bad

On sunday, I went to my grandma's ward. In Relief Society we sang the fifth verse of How Firm a foundation:

When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
My grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply.
The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume, thy dross to consume,
Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.

This song really helped me.  One of the reasons why I was friendzoned is because there were a number of things that was bugging this guy.  I agreed with him that these are somethings that I need to work on.  So, as I was singing this song, I kinda realized why this is happening -- this whole experience has made me realize some weaknesses I have, and now I'm determined to change them.  So yes, this is painful, but God can use this to make me stronger, and to purge those things that shouldn't be there.

Also, the line "the flame shall not hurt thee" really gave me hope.  I realized that yes, it may seem painful now, but over all this experience won't hurt me.  It's like it says in D&C -- "all these things shall give thee experience, and be for thy good." I know that I will be a better person for having gone through this. 

• If a person dying of cancer can write a wonderful loving letter to the person they know will replace them in their husband's life, I shouldn't be complaining. 

I went and saw Safe Haven with my grandma on Monday.  At first I wasn't sure if I wanted to see a love story with a main character who has the same name as the guy who friendzoned me.  However, both my grandma and I agreed it was the best option.  I also wanted to give myself a mini-test.  If I could sit through this movie, I figured I'd be good when I returned to school the next day. 

Well, the movie was definitely not what I expected.  I actually learned something.  Alex, the main male character, was married, but his wife died of cancer. At the end of the movie, he gives Katie a letter that his wife wrote "to her" -- the woman who Alex would fall in love with after she was gone.  That letter really touched my heart. I realized that I had no place holding on to the Alex in my life. If Jo (his former wife) could accept (while still alive) that he would fall for someone else, and be able to wish her the best, how could I not do the same? 

So yes -- Again, sorry for the bitter posts.  Hopefully there won't be any more of those.  Well, thanks for reading My Crazy Life.  Until next time. :D